After dealing with a failing marriage for months or years, you may seek out divorce as a final solution. The second you come to this decision, you may feel awash in relief from finding a way to end the strife between the two of you. The sense of relief does not usually last very long, however. As you face those divorce documents, a series of strong emotions may start to appear. To complicate the issue even more, the emotions are often tied to deeper concerns that you previously ignored or didn't even consider. Read on to learn more.
When you took your vows, you agreed to stay married through the good times and the bad. When a marriage just doesn't work out, despite both parties' best efforts, it's normal to feel an intense sense of shame. The shame you feel is likely deeply rooted in the overarching fear emotion.
You may fear that your friends, family and community judge you for choosing divorce. The fears may also encompass a worry about losing all of your friends during this trying process. The realization that at least 30 percent of marriages end in divorce can help you let go of this feeling of shame, especially if you acknowledge that you did all you could to save the marriage.
Anger after divorce often stems from a feeling of intense disappointment with yourself and your spouse. Anger also has strong roots in resentment that builds as the marriage falls apart. Although the anger can propel you to approach a final solution, like divorce, that benefits you both in the end, it also has a damaging effect on your health. To stay healthy, you must acknowledge and discard the angry feelings. Try to turn the anger into motivation to pursue healthy outlets, such as building physical fitness or creating beautiful works of art.
When you originally built a life with your spouse, all of your expectations for the future revolved around each other. As a result, when you go through divorce, you must properly grieve the loss of your future self, family and retirement plans. As you restructure your life, you may feel incredible sadness over this loss. Since hostility and resentment often arise during divorce, it's normal to feel a loss for the person you fell in love with. As with death, you must allow yourself to feel the sadness and accept the loss before attempting to rebuild and move on.
The original strong feelings of relief will eventually return in the form of contentment well after your attorney helps you finalize the divorce. The contentment may arise as you realize your life improved dramatically by separating yourself from an unhealthy relationship. All of the opportunities awarded to you from the freedom provided by divorce will help you return to this happy state.
At first, you may look at the happiness you feel with a bit of guilt that ties back to the original shame, disappointment and anger you felt in the beginning. To quickly return to contentment and banish those disruptive feelings, accept that you and your former spouse deserve a new chance at finding love and happiness in life.
Dealing With The Roller Coaster of Emotions
Talk to your attorney about developing coping strategies that crop up throughout the divorce process. You may need to maintain a calm, level head to deal with divorce court proceedings without suffering a private, or even worse, public, meltdown.
As a divorce attorney, it's common to see people struggling with strong emotions as they approach the process of restructuring their life after divorce. Your attorney may be able to recommend a local therapist who can help you cope with emotions that do not die down on their own. Since many people do not feel emotionally balanced for up to four years after divorce, developing a strong relationship with a therapist is often a good move to make. Your attorney will also clearly explain each step of the process to keep the proceedings from exacerbating your emotional difficulties. If you are looking for an attorney to help you navigate your divorce, then contact one like Brown Beattie O'Donovan.